


shut the f*#% up

by Slice_of_Apple



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angry Jean Kirstein, Annoyed Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Boys Kissing, Doesn't make sense as to plot but just an excuse to tie Jean up and have some fluffy smooching fun, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff fest, Grumpy Jean Kirstein, M/M, Maybe spoilers up to ch 53 manga but again doesn't follow the plot, Not Canon Compliant, OOC maybe, Sweet, Whiny Jean Kirstein, first kisses together, the fluffiest of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26684809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slice_of_Apple/pseuds/Slice_of_Apple
Summary: Jean can't stop talking, even when his life depends on it.OrJean, masquerading as Eren, has been captured by the Military Police and brought to a remote location. Eren is trying to untie him, but Jean won't be quiet. Fortunately, there IS a way to shut him up.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager
Comments: 8
Kudos: 181





	shut the f*#% up

Eren, peering in through the window, sees the guy brandishing a knife right in Jean’s face. Jean is trying to keep cool, but Eren knows him well enough to recognize the fear in his eyes. Which is totally understandable, seeing as how there is a very long, sharp knife about two inches from his nose. Eren's own gut clenches at the sight.

By now, Jean must also have realized that the plan has gone very, very wrong. He must be thinking that no one is coming to rescue him. He must have come to the conclusion that it’s going to be pretty hard for him to escape, what with being tied up and surrounded by armed guards out in the middle of nowhere. Of course he’s frightened. Eren doesn't much like seeing the naked panic in Jean's face, either.

Eren is just starting to think that the new, hastily constructed plan is also shot to pieces, that he’s going to have to transform right here into his titan (hopefully before the guy actually carves into Jean), when the guy steps back, withdrawing his knife from Jean's face. Eren breathes a sigh of relief. The plan is still on. 

The others must be doing their part with regard to the diversion, because Eren hears some noise in the distance. As hoped, three of the four men exit hastily from the room.

Then it’s only the knife guy left, standing in the entrance.

Once the knife is knocked out of his hand, he’s easy to take down. He’s a big, soft, MP bully, after all, no real fight in him. Two punches and he’s out. Eren gives him a few extra kicks, though, just to make sure he stays unconscious (definitely not because Eren didn’t appreciate the guy frightening Jean out of his wits or anything like that).

“Kirstein!”

There’s a brief moment where Jean’s eyes flare wide at the sound, and Eren can see the relief crash through him.

“What the fuck took you so long?” While Eren knows better than to expect a thank you from Jean, he’s a bit put off by the absolute venom dripping from the words. Can't Jean express the tiniest bit of the gratitude he clearly feels for being rescued?

“Be quiet,” Eren grunts, as he starts in on the ropes binding Jean’s feet. If the men come back, he wants Jean to at least be able to run away. 

Jean, of course, ignores this request.

“What the hell happened? And what are you even doing here? Weren’t you supposed to be back in the city?”

“Slight change of plans. Will you please be quiet? We don't want anyone else coming in here.”

The ropes are actually quite thick and what must be uncomfortably tight against Jean’s ankles. That can’t be helping Jean’s mood. In truth, Eren would like to make Jean more comfortable, in addition to freeing him, but it’s harder than Eren expects to cut through the thick strands. He switches to seeing if he can untie them, but that’s worse; when he tries, he pulls the ropes tighter against Jean.

“Ow! Be careful! You’re cutting off my circulation, you idiot.” Jean is being way too noisy.

“Shut _up_ , Kirstein!”

This works for about three seconds, and then Jean is off and running again.

“This is the absolute last time I wear this goddamned wig. It’s so itchy and hot.”

With a groan, Eren stops what he’s doing, reaches up, and yanks hard at the wig. This is a stupid waste of the valuable time the others are risking themselves to give him, but Jean has switched to his whiny voice, which is intolerable. It’s like the sound of fingernails scraping against glass.

In his haste, Eren has forgotten that the wig is partially glued on. As a consequence, a fair number of Jean’s hairs are torn out with the wig. Eren feels badly about this, as it does look like it hurts, given the redness and maybe even the one or two tiny drops of blood at Jean’s hairline.

Unfortunately, Jean’s response is to let fly a string of curses at a volume that is way too high for the circumstances. 

“Shut the fuck up, Kirstein!” Eren whispers fiercely.

But Jean can’t seem to stop the flow of regrettably loud verbal diarrhea.

“That hurt, Jaeger! Can’t you even pull off a wig at less than 100 miles an hour? And would you hurry up with the ropes? I can't feel my toes.” Again, this is spoken in a carrying voice that can probably be heard, not only outside this building, but across the field and way back in fucking Shiganshina.

Deep down, Eren knows Jean mouthing off is some kind of stress response to his recent terror, but it’s driving Eren crazy, not to mention endangering their lives.

“This is the last time I’m doing this," Jean keeps on. "Ever. The last fucking time. I don’t even _look_ like you. Why can’t _Connie_ be you? Sasha could even do it, with the wig on.”

Eren finally has the ropes off Jean’s feet. At this, Jean lets out a groan of relief. But then he stretches his legs, and he must have pins and needles like crazy because he practically yells out “Jesus fucking Christ!"

Eren seriously considers putting the gag back on Jean’s mouth, but that seems a bit too cruel, even for him. Instead, he takes Jean’s face in his hands and stares straight into his eyes. He enunciates slowly and clearly,

“Jean. I am getting you out of these ropes as fast as I can. Shut. The fuck. Up.”

Unbelievably, Jean opens his mouth, as if to start _arguing_ with him.

Eren leans in and kisses him. 

Jean splutters and tries to pull away. Since he's tied up, he can only move back a few inches, his head knocking against the wall, Eren’s mouth still on his. They stay like that for a moment, neither one moving. Eren is breathing through his nose, and he doesn’t quite know what to do next. Jean isn’t struggling, but he’s holding himself stiffly. At least he’s not talking anymore.

And then Jean… lets go. It can’t be that comfortable for him, arms tight in by his sides, neck stretched back, head against the hard wall, but Eren feels his body slacken as he relaxes into the kiss.

Eren realizes several things at once: 1) that there’s no way in hell he's backing off, because 2) Jean can’t go anywhere; and 3) Jean's not fighting him anymore. _Jean’s not fighting him anymore._ And Jean’s lips feel so good on his, and Jean's face feels so good under his fingers, and Eren is so very, very relieved that they made it here in time, before Jean got hurt or killed.

He starts moving, gently shifting the pressure of his lips against Jean’s; he feels Jean doing the same.

When Eren tentatively licks Jean’s lip, Jean quivers in the most delightful way. And then Jean is straining _towards_ Eren, his mouth open, his tongue tangling with Eren’s. 

And Eren knows he really should be untying Jean’s hands so they can make their escape, and time is of the essence and all that. But, the thing is, he doesn’t really want to untie Jean anymore. Well, he does, because he wants Jean to be safe, and himself too, and their team of course. And he hates these military police motherfuckers and wants to flip them the bird, metaphorically speaking, that is.

But he also knows that as soon as Jean is untied, this moment will be gone. The kiss will be over because Jean will punch him, or throw him, or at the very least kick him away. And he really, really, really wants to keep kissing Jean.

So, instead of letting go and getting to work on the ropes, Eren settles himself onto Jean’s lap, his legs falling down on either side of Jean. And this is fantastic, because Jean is that much taller than Eren that they are almost the same height like this, except that Eren’s face is a bit higher up, and that’s perfect. He can do all sorts of things from here in addition to kissing Jean’s mouth, like kissing his ears, or bending down to kiss his neck.

He can even pull Jean’s shirt just enough to the side that he can kiss Jean’s collarbone. It’s both smooth and hard, and it’s slick with sweat. He gives it a small lick and savors the salty taste. He wishes he could remove more of Jean’s shirt, but it’s too bunched up because of the ropes.

He keeps licking and kissing, and even does a little biting, too. Jean makes a small, pleased noise that is somewhere between a grunt and a moan. It’s faint enough that Eren wouldn’t have heard it if his ear weren’t so close to Jean’s mouth. He does hear it, though, and it’s like a match to dry tinder. He finds himself pressing harder into Jean, running his tongue eagerly up and down the long column of Jean’s neck. Jean is panting loudly now, and he might even have let out a raspy “Eren.”

There is a loud banging noise, coming from the window. They spring apart, which means that Eren jumps off Jean’s lap like he’s been stung, and Jean rockets backwards, slamming his head into the wall.

Unfortunately, this leads to Jean spewing out a whole new set of expletives, putting them right back where they started in the first place.

Mikasa’s angry face is scowling through the glass.

Red-faced and ashamed, Eren hastily bends down to saw through the ropes tying Jean’s arms to his sides.

A few more minutes, and Jean is finally standing, shaking out what must be numb hands. Somehow, in the space of time he's been in this room, Eren has forgotten how tall Jean is. Broad, too, and strong. Eren can’t quite meet his gaze, because, after all, he just forced Jean into kissing him. Although Eren wonders about that a bit, because it didn’t feel like he was forcing Jean. It felt like Jean was into the whole thing, maybe even as much as Eren was.

Nonetheless, he’s not surprised when Jean shoots out an arm. It’s not a very good punch, and Eren easily sidesteps it even though he’s still dazed and clumsy from the kissing. But it turns out it’s not a punch, as Jean grabs Eren by the wrist and reels him in. 

And while Eren enjoyed having Jean neatly trussed up while he kissed him, it turns out to be equally nice when Jean is free. Jean’s arms are deliciously hard yet supple, and Eren likes the way they lightly swing him back against the wall as they kiss.

This time, it’s not Mikasa’s angry face against the window that stops them. It’s the force of a hurricane as Levi grabs each of them by the shoulder, yanking them apart.

“Stupid brats,” he rumbles, hauling them both out the door by their collars.

There is no horse for Jean to ride. A vision immediately rises in Eren’s mind, an image of Jean riding behind Eren, his arms wrapped firmly around Eren’s waist, his head on Eren’s shoulder, his chest, abdomen and pelvis pressed up hard against Eren. This is a vision that Eren would very much like to make a reality. He starts subtly herding Jean towards _his_ horse.

“Oh, no, you don’t,” growls the Captain. Jean ends up riding behind Levi, which is an uncomfortable experience for him, as he doesn’t really want to touch Levi, but it’s very hard to stay on without having a firm grip _somewhere_.

Eren is left to ride home alone. He, too, is uncomfortable, because he’s not sure where they left things. Yes, Jean seemed to be into it; he initiated the second round of kissing, after all. But does he want to do it again? Eren certainly does.

Fortunately for Eren, the fates are smiling on him today, and he doesn't have to wonder for too long. He's just finished rubbing his horse down when a pair of long, lean arms wraps around him from behind and a familiar voice, not whining at all now, whispers into his ear,

“Next time, _you’re_ the one who’s getting tied up.”


End file.
